From Emily J.:

After an abusive relationship, I was avoidant, self-blaming and constantly anxious. I would feel myself go numb as my stomach dropped if anything about rape, abuse or violence came on the tele, or in a film or even was mentioned by a friend. Rape jokes which because vogue in my sixth form sent me into panic attacks and I wouldn't speak to anyone about what had happened.

About 5 years after the relationship, I found Abyss2hope and DRIRR. The first time I started to read through an Abyss2hope article I started to feel that familiar sinking stomach feeling but something in it ignited a tiny spark of anger felt for the first time against him not against me. I read through more feeling suddenly less isolated, less utterly alone. I had found no one ever talks about rape. No one ever mentions it happens to them. When rape is mentioned and isn't a joke it always seems to be a stranger leaping out of a bush and beating you half to death. My experiences of rape were committed by my boyfriend, in the comfort of a flat. I didn't even believe it was 'real rape'. Then, there were Marcella's sites, telling me not only was my experience as traumatic as I had felt it to be but that my reaction to it wasn't pathetic, that I wasn't to blame, that I didn't deserve it.

I wouldn't say I'm perfect now but I can conduct a conversation about rape. I can even talk about mine.  Instead of feeling like I'm impotently drowning, I feel like I can be angry about our culture that legitimizes rape. I can read articles which talk about how some women deserve rape and know that they're foolish rather than feeling I am.  My panic attacks are much, much fewer and my eating disorder eased. I rediscovered sex. I think that for survivors the message of Abyss2hope and DRIRR is crucial and not nearly spouted enough in the wider world. I would honestly say that reading them probably changed my life. I would recommend them to anyone.

If you have found this site and/or abyss2hope helpful, please contact me with your testimonial.