Welcome to Date Rape Is Real Rape

Safety Alert: Computer use can be monitored. If you have any concern about your privacy, please access this site from another computer.

This web site contains a collection of information and opinions about rape and other acts of sexual violence with the primary focus on sex crimes where people are likely to claim:

"It was consensual," and/or "It's a he said, she said situation."

Stereotypical rape committed by a stranger is by far the minority of the number of rapes which are committed each year (estimates vary) with one study finding that 89% of forcible rapes against women were committed by a non-stranger.

That same study (see research) estimated that 20 million (18%) out of 112 million US adult women have been raped in their lifetime with only 16% of those rapes having been reported to law enforcement.

Approximately 3% of men in the US have been victims of sexual assault (rape and attempted rape by known and unknown assailants) during their lifetime. While that number is small compared to the rate of sexual assault for women, that is still 2.78 million men. 

The goals of Date Rape Is Real Rape are:

1. To provide information and support to those who have survived date or acquaintance rape.
2. To provide information and secondary support to others who want to help those who have been victims of date or acquaintance rape or who are survivors of other types of sex crimes.
3. To counter dangerous beliefs and practices which helps rapists rationalize away their personal responsibility and which do secondary harm to those who have been raped.
4. To encourage change to the legal system, law enforcement, education and the media so that no rapist can exploit anti-victim bigotry or a legal loophole to escape accountability.

The larger goal behind this web site is to reduce the number of rape attempts, including so-called non-violent rape attempts which use coercion rather than stereotypical force.

To meet this larger goal, far more people need to realize that avoidance of this topic helps rapists as does the belief that date rape wouldn't happen if the victims were all more responsible.

Increasing respect for everyone's boundaries helps those who would have been targeted for rape, but it also helps those who otherwise would have committed rape.

This larger goal is NOT an impossible dream.

If we can eliminate the excuses non-rapists make for why certain rapists aren't "real" rapists we will reduce the number of rapes. Most rapists need external support in order to rationalize their crimes. Rapists who view themselves as good people need validation.

Taking rapists validation away will cause lots of protests. We can't let those protests cause us to lose hope.

Sexually assaulting another person is wrong no matter who that other person is and no matter what that person has done. There are no excuses for sexual violence and no acceptable targets.

If you need immediate help or are in crisis (even if that resulted from your being triggered), please consider using a hotline to get connected to resources on a more personal level. 

It doesn't matter if it has been years or decades since you were last assaulted. Many rape survivors have coped through avoidance for practical reasons or because they have been told to get over it. 

Reach out.

Do what you can to be part of the solution.

Marcella Chester