Welcome to Date Rape Is Real Rape
Safety Alert: Computer use can be monitored. If you have any concern about your privacy, please access this site from another computer.
Message from site owner, Marcella Chester
(pictured below left and at right while presenting at March 2009 Women, Action & the Media conference)
Date Rape Is Real Rape was created to provide the insight and research I wish had been available to me and those around me when I was raped twice at age 15 by my first boyfriend.
So much of my lasting trauma could have been eliminated or reduced if I knew then what I know now. I cannot change the past, but I am part of changing the future.
Join me in this change.
Follow me on Twitter.
Read my blog.
This web site contains a collection of information and opinions about rape and other acts of sexual violence with the primary focus on sex crimes where people are likely to claim:
"It was consensual," and/or "It's a he said, she said situation."
Stereotypical rape committed by a stranger is by far the minority of the number of rapes which are committed each year (estimates vary) with one study finding that 89% of forcible rapes against women were committed by a non-stranger.
That same study (see research) estimated that 20 million (18%) out of 112 million US adult women have been raped in their lifetime with only 16% of those rapes having been reported to law enforcement.
Approximately 3% of men in the US have been victims of sexual assault (rape and attempted rape by known and unknown assailants) during their lifetime. While that number is small compared to the rate of sexual assault for women, that is still 2.78 million men.
This unacceptably high rate of violence is not something that just happens. People learn to commit violence, both overt and covert.
Check out the Public Service Announcement script, Sexual violence prevention, not just for girls which I wrote and which focuses on primary prevention.
The goal of preventing sexual violence is NOT an impossible dream, but it does require a cultural shift in thinking.
If we can eliminate the excuses non-rapists make for why certain rapists aren't "real" rapists we will reduce the number of rapes. Most rapists need external support in order to rationalize their crimes. Rapists who view themselves as good people need validation.
Taking rapists' validation away will cause lots of protests. We can't let those protests cause us to lose hope.
Sexually assaulting another person is wrong no matter who that other person is and no matter what that person has done. There are no excuses for sexual violence and no acceptable targets.
If you need immediate help or are in crisis (even if that resulted from your being triggered by the content of this site), please consider using a hotline to get connected to resources on a more personal level.
It doesn't matter if it has been years or decades since you were last assaulted. Many rape survivors have coped through avoidance for practical reasons or because they have been told to get over it.
Reach out. It took me more than 20 years to do so, but I am so grateful I was finally able to take that dangerous first step.
Then do what you can to be part of the solution. If you have ideas or want to offer feedback, please contact me.
Marcella Chester
